Celtic soundscape or horrible pan pipes: behind the moans at the British museum

Name: Pan pipes.

Age: Ancient. The “Pan” in the name is the Greek god of nature, shepherds and the wild. The instrument itself was invented several thousand years before he was.

Appearance: A row of flutes of varying length, usually made of wood or cane.

What are they? They’re a family of woodwind instruments found in numerous world cultures, with variants including the Chinese bamboo paixiao, the Ukrainian kuvytsi, and the six reed pipes of the Georgian larchemi.

Oh yeah. Pan pipes! They’re the ones that sound like bad whistling through wooden teeth. Well, that’s a matter of opinion. But I think you’ll find that many intelligent, cultured people, including myself, would wholeheartedly agree with you.

What have they done that’s new? Annoyed people.

That’s not new. Well, annoyed new people.

Who? A handful of visitors to a new exhibition about Celtic art and identity at the British Museum, who have taken to social media and the leader pages of the Times to voice their anger at the use of “pan pipe music” to accompany the exhibits.

Spare me the tweets. Gladly.

What did the Times say? “Whether pan pipes are your thing or not, pan pipes is what you get ... [it] is dissonant and intrusive.”

Sounds reasonable. It does. Except the music at the exhibit doesn’t involve pan pipes at all.

What is it then? Is it just that there’s a squeaky door? It’s a soundscape of motifs from modern Celtic instruments, including bodhrán drums, bagpipes, fiddle and the flute. The idea is to make the atmosphere more relaxed, so visitors don’t just shamble round in reverent silence like culture zombies.

Ah. So the complainers are just hearing what they don’t want to hear? Perhaps. The fact it’s a soundscape and not an actual piece of music probably explains why they found it discordant. It may also sound a lot like pan pipes.

Then what’s the lesson here? Maybe that pan pipes aren’t the only explanation for annoying rustic noises.

Because sometimes it’s bagpipes? Exactly.

Do say: “Great exhibition, shame about the soundscape.”

Don’t say: “Great nightclub, shame about the weird Celtic ornaments.”