PASADENA, CA—Neurotically drafting and revising the perfect opening line in her head, local single woman Vivian Court reportedly worked up the courage Thursday to strike up a conversation with a cute guy she spotted at the other end of the horse costume. “Oh my God, okay, he’s right there in the back part, so it’s the perfect time to say something,” said Court as she trotted around in the front half of the two-person costume, blushing and wondering if she looked good after realizing the handsome stranger was standing right behind her. “Alright, it’s now or never. He’s totally facing in my direction and basically following me around—that’s probably a sign that he’s interested, right? Ah, he’s so good at clomping, I’m swooning. Oh my God, he just grabbed onto my hips when I whinnied.” At press time, the interior of the horse was reportedly mired in uncomfortable silence after Court confirmed she had been ghosted by the ass.